Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Megan Fox,she looks exactly like a mid-price inflatable sex doll.

Megan Fox knows that her appeal lies solely in the fact that she looks exactly like a mid-price inflatable sex doll.

And if, for any reason, she stopped being sexy - or at least stopped looking like a police sketch artist’s representation of what a sexy girl probably looks like, which is more accurate - then Megan Fox’s entire career would wither up and die.

So to help herself out a little, Megan Fox has decided to tell the world that she’s never getting married. Which is a bit of a bummer because Megan Fox has apparently just got engaged again. Whoops.

Despite reports to the contrary, Megan Fox isn’t sexy. She seems so precision engineered to give teenage boys permanent stiffies - she likes cars! She goes to Comic-Con! She once had a lesbian infatuation with a stripper! She has a freakishly elephantine mouth! Her surname could only be more Dickensian if she was called Megan Jollyknockers! - that we’re convinced that Megan Fox will one day unzip her skin and reveal herself t0 be Ashton Kutcher playing a horrific Ed Gein-style prank on the world. When that happens, after Kutcher has been kicked to death by the readership of Maxim magazine out of a collective sense of violent post-masturbatory guilt, it’s really going to take the shine off our day.

But despite being so unattainably perfect that she may as well be a clump of masonry or a tourist map of Antwerp or whatever for all the good it’d actually ever do anyone, people still find themselves invested in Megan Fox’s personal life. Specifically, they’re invested in how single Megan Fox is at the moment.

Because right now, it’s pretty hard to tell. For a while back there, Megan Fox had been engaged to Brian Austin Green, who many of you will recognise as the luckiest anonymous actor in the whole wide world. However, Megan and Brian’s relationship took a knock a couple of months ago when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green and moved out of their house. If that piece of news passed you by, it doesn’t matter - apparently Megan and Brian recently got back together, got engaged again and have started looking for a new house.

And that’s it - Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green will get married and have children and everything will be peachy. Because that tends to be the knock-on consequence of getting engaged, right? Well, apparently not if you’re Megan Fox. Megan has told Extra......................

1 comment:

  1. I have just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.


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